The Greatest Man I've Ever Known

I have only seen Ernie cry twice. Coincidentally, both times were on the same day. The day that Lily was born.

I had planned on doing everything all natural, but after thirteen hours of labor, I opted for an epideral. Before hand, the thought terrified me. But thirteen hours of active labor tends to change your perspective. I didn't look at the needle, but Ernie did. He held my hand the entire time with tears in his eyes whispering encouragements to me and telling me how much he loved me. The second time he cried was after I had been in labor 24 hours (2 of which were spent pushing), and had brought our beautiful, screaming girl into the world. I was so exhausted, I couldn't think, let alone hold Lily very well. So Ernie took her from me to let me rest. As he held her for the first time, he had tears in his eyes.

Nothing can quite describe the feeling you get when you hold your child for the first time. For nine months, you've been trying to imagine what it will be like. But nothing can prepare you for the overwhelming flood of emotions when you hold that fragile little person in your arms and realize that you helped create her. That you were responsible for her. When she looks up at you and you realize that she is absolutely perfect. You want to do everything in your power to make the world perfect for her. From that first moment that he held her, Ernie fell hopelessly in love. And from that first moment he held her, she has had him wrapped around her finger. All she need do is smile at him or call out "Daddy" and he is putty in her hands.

In a society that often emphasizes mother/daughter relationships and minimizes father/daughter relationships, I'm going to take a moment to express my overwhelming gratitude for the special bond between Lily and Ernie.

I find joy each day in spending time with my daughter. But interwoven with that joy is fear. I look at her beautiful face and at times I can't help but fear for her future. She has so many struggles to face. All kids do, but I think girls have a very distinct set of special struggles. The media flashes images of what the "ideal" woman is. Television shows portray women who, in my opinion, have little respect for themselves. And these are supposed to be our daughters' role models. It seems that girls are becoming engaged in sexual activity earlier and earlier. Teenagers experiment with the three big forbiddens: sex, drugs and alcohol. And girls feel so much pressure, from boys, yes, but also from girlfriends, to do things against their better judgment. There is so much pressure for a girl to fit it and be liked. Sometimes I wonder how I'm going to shield her from these things. I look at her sweet face and it makes my heart ache that she will have to face the harshness of the world. Part of me wishes I could lock her in a tower forever and protect her.

And then I realize that she's already at an advantage to other little girls. She not only has a mother who loves her and cuddles with her and keeps her safe, but she has a father who absolutely adores her. There isn't anything he wouldn't do to keep her safe. He is so open in his affection and love for her that she will never doubt it. Nothing is so important that he won't take the time to play with her, or give her a bath, or read with her, or just cuddle.

After seeing him with her, I would argue that a father's relationship with his daughter is at least as, if not more, important than a mother's relationship with her daughter. A Daddy is a little girl's first and most important love. That love teaches her to have respect for herself. It shows her how she should be treated by men. It builds her confidence and gives her a foundation on which she will build every other relationship she has for the rest of her life. It is so easy to take a father for granted in a family. Especially because, generally speaking, the father spends more time away from his family than does the mother. Ernie and I both work full-time, but he still has to spend more time away from Lily because of his career than I do. As a result, Lily tends to gravitate toward me to fulfill her basic needs. When she's hurt or upset, she comes to me. When she is hungry or tired, she comes to me. When she is scared or out of her element, she comes to me. But despite all these things, she is a Daddy's girl through-and-through. Because to her, Daddy is her best friend and favorite playmate. When he's around, I'm invisible. And I am so grateful that he takes the time to develope that kind of relationship with her. His devotion to her helps me sleep a little better at night knowing that we will be able to give her the best foundation we can so that she will be more likely to make smart decisions when faced with societal pressures.

I thought I loved Ernie before Lily was born. He has always been such a good man and takes great pleasure in spoiling me. But nothing can compare to the love I feel for him whenever I see him with Lily. He is truly the greatest man I have ever known. But even more importantly, he is the greatest Daddy I have ever known. And to illustrate the fact, here is a picture of Lily after her Daddy got her all tucked into the big chair (from which she kicked him out only moments before) so she could watch a bit of the Tinkerbell movie (which she asks to watch almost daily) before bed.

Oh yes, and I forgot to show off our matching pedicures in the last post, so here they are. Unfortunately, I think Lily has my feet. Poor girl. (of course, considering the fact that Ernie could very easily hang upside down from a tree branch with his toes, I guess she was doomed either way)


On a side note, how sad is it that my one-year-old has more of a tan than I do? Of course, in all fairness, hers isn't a tan, it is her natural complexion. But somehow, that doesn't make me feel any better.