The Green Monster

I have a confession to make. Since Ernie has been home with Lily, I've become insanely and completely irrationally jealous of the closeness they have developed. Isn't that awful? Before this all happened, I was the Mommy. I was the one Lily always asked for. I was the one that fed her. I was the one that bathed her and did her hair and cuddled with her. I was the one she came to when she was hurt, or upset or just needing a hug. And the truly awful thing is that during this time I would complain, if only in my head, that Ernie just sat back and let me do the lion's share. I would think that it would be nice if he offered to take over more and let me relax or enjoy some alone time.

So now I have my wish. Ernie is home with Lily all day and knows what it takes to take care of her. He now realizes why I was so exhausted that I fell into bed shortly after Lily. When I get home from work, he takes care of dinner and bathtime and bedtime so that I can spend some time writing and make my deadline. So I now have all the "alone" time and "me" time that I could possibly want. But here's the rub, I don't necessarily want it anymore. I sit down to work on my book and hear Ernie and Lily giggling in the other room and I want to be a part of it.

It has been a lesson to me that I need to be careful what I wish for. Because, you see, now Lily asks for her Daddy if she's upset. Don't get me wrong, I get my fair share of attention. But now it's split between me and Ernie. Which means I don't get as many kisses and cuddles. And I've discovered that I'm somewhat selfish when it comes to Lily's kisses and cuddles. I want them all. I keep telling myself that her relationship with her Daddy is so important and I am so lucky to have someone who takes the time to develop that and gives her plenty of love and attention. And it's true. But still, I feel jealous every time she asks for him and not me. I know, completely irrational. But you know what? That's my prerogative as a woman!