A haven in a heartless world

Blame it on the new year, or my natural tendencies toward the maudlin, but I've been thinking a lot about the past year and and how it has changed and shaped my family.  I'll warn you now that this will be a rather rambling post.

When we moved to the East Coast, I really had no idea if we were making the right decision.  I'd been in California for five years and I liked it there.  The weather was great, even if the traffic left something to be desired.  There was a lot to do with Lily and a bookstore or coffee shop was never more than a five minute drive away.  We had friends we enjoyed spending time with and I knew I would miss them.  But there was one thing we didn't have, and that was family.  I hadn't given the matter much thought before we had Lily, but after she was born I was growing increasingly aware of the lack.  Friends are great and we love having all varieties of them, but they just are not the same as family. 

I felt the lack, as I said, but it wasn't enough for me to give up all I loved about California to be nearer.  That is, until I had my miscarriage.  It wasn't something I thought about before hand, but I don't think I could have known just how much I would mourn my daughter even if I had.  I wasn't far along, after all, being just shy of three months.  But I felt as if I'd lost a very important part of our family.  I'd never met her, but she was already part of my heart.  Losing her was the hardest thing I'd ever gone through.  I couldn't seem to pull myself out of the abyss that had enveloped me after the miscarriage.  What was worse, I felt completely alone.  I had Ernie and I had Lily, and they were both great, but I couldn't shake the feeling of emptiness and isolation.  All I could think was that I wanted to go home.

That's when I realized that, for all that I loved the Bay Area, it wasn't home.  When I broke down to Ernie, who surprisingly understood my fragmented and soggy rantings, he said "let's move to Charleston."

And the rest, as they say is history.

So now we've been here for thirteen months, and here are my thoughts.  I don't regret our move.  Never in my life have I fallen in love with place as quickly and thoroughly as I did Charleston.  It is a beautiful and quirky city that marches to its own beat.  It is elegant and traditional while somehow remaining earthy and approachable.  Also, I could never do without chocolate milkshakes at Pitt Street Pharmacy in Mt. Pleasant.  Now that I've tasted them, I'll never be the same.  Same goes for the pulled pork at Melvins, or the white pizza at Blossoms, or the delectable pastries at the Food & Wine Festival, or...really, the whole area is a foodie's dream.  All this cozy goodness is wrapped up in thrilling and romantic American history, steeped in southern charm and served with really good, steaming coffee.  To say nothing of the picturesque beaches and warm oceans.  It is like a permanent vacation.

I also love being close to Ernie's family.  I can't even express how much getting to know them has meant to me.  There have been bumps in our adjustment to the move, but it is wonderful to see Lily thriving with so much family around to play with and love her.  And let me tell you, it is fabulous to have other kids around for her to play with and give Mama a much-needed break.  I think it is important for her to grow up around people (other than Mama and Daddy) who will always love and support her.  When tragedy comes to her life, she'll be surrounded by people to comfort her.  When she is overcome with happiness, she'll have scads of people to share it with.  When she falls in love for the first time - and subsequently has her first heartbreak - she'll have this wonderful family to be there for her.  I am so grateful for that.

The saying goes that you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family.  They are the one constant in our lives, no matter what happens with our peers.  I think as adults we forget this.  We forget what it felt like before we'd spent a lifetime developing thick skin.  We forget how important it was to have people who will never give up on you. People to show you that the ones who do give up on you aren't worth your time or attention.  Peope who, no matter what, are always in your corner, fighting for you.  It is important to me that Lily have her family to get her through this process and I couldn't have picked a better one that the Hamiltons.  There is a reason the family is said to be the building block of society.  When combined, they give rise to social networks and stability within a community.  I've never seen this illustrated as strongly as I have with Ernie's family.  They strengthen me and my daughter in ways I could never have imagined.

We've had a lot of adjustments over the past thirteen months, as well as our fair share of trials and annoyances.  But we have also had a lot of giggles, cuddles, kisses and fun.  We've come home, finally, and  I hope we never have to leave.

Enough with my insane ravings.  Here is a song sure to put a smile on your face.  Have a lovely week.